In “On The Subjugation of Women”, John Stewart Mill compared the institution of marriage to the institution of slavery. Mill argued that wives were like slaves because the laws at that time made them subject to the whims of their husbands. According to Mill, the laws at the time forced women to obey. In fact, Mill argued that women were worse off than slaves because women weren’t even free from their servitude even when they went to bed at night.
One hundred and forty years have passed since Mill wrote his essay, and many things have changed in this country around marriage laws. Most of these changes have been indisputably positive. If the pendulum was too far to the “men’s” side during Mill’s time, many of these laws have moved the pendulum towards the middle, where it should be. However, while it is politically incorrect to say so, I would argue that the the pendulum has swung over to the “woman’s” side so much so that the institution of marriage today is a form of slavery for men.
Today, marriage is perilous for a man. Between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. If you are married to a non-foreign woman, that rate moves closer to 60%. Women bring the divorce around 70% of the time, and that number jumps to 90% when the woman is college-educated. Because No Fault Divorce is common among the states, she can bring the divorce for whatever reason that she wants.
These statistics simply reflect the fact that today it is easier and more acceptable to get a divorce than it was during Mill’s time. It does not imply any type of slavery and is probably a positive development. The problem is that divorce laws today overwhelmingly favor women, which is significant if so many marriages end in divorce. Economically, men going through divorce are almost guaranteed to lose their house and at least half of their other assets. Women are heavily favored to gain custody over the children with divorced men being able to see their kids only on an average of 14% of the time.
In spite of limited visitation rights, men are forced to pay child support. Because of the Bradly Amendment, child support and alimony must be paid even if the man loses his job or becomes injured. This means that everything the divorced man is seriously limited in what he can do with his life since he cannot afford to not make money. Even more unjust, men are oftentimes forced to pay child support to children who are not even theirs. Depending on the study you cite, between 10% and 20% of children have different fathers than they believe. In spite of this high figure, the burden is on the father to prove that the child is not his. Even if the father is able to prove this, he still usually has to support the children anyway if they were born while he was married.
A man in the United States, therefore, is submitting to a form of slavery when choosing to get married. His wife has enormous legal power to make her husband into a wage slave, sperm bank, walking atm, retirement fund and general whipping boy simply by filing for a divorce. This is especially so if they have children together. This is an issue that is not talked about often, but it is having a very real effect on marriage in the United States. There is a phenomenon occurring now called the “marriage strike”which is a trend of men to not get married. Between 1990 and 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6 percent. While there are probably many factors contributing to this, the bias of marriage laws today is widely seen as a contributor.
So are you saying if a couple divorced, the man would potentially have nothing to do with kids, leaving the mother to support everyone financially and emotionally? This does not equal out either. Often the responsibilities women take at home justify, and even support a family just as the man does at work.
Also consider premarital sex. If the girl gets pregnant, shouldn’t both parties have a significant interaction with the child and the girl.
This post is very interesting. Marriage can be compared to slavery for some men if they do not follow through with the promises they made to there spouses. There is a reason that it is mostly women that initiate a divorce. Most women find themselves divorcing their husbands for reasons such as neglect, emotional abuse, etc. Men tend to just shut out the problems and essentially give up on the marriage instead of seeking ways to improve the problems. I am not completely blaming men but it wouldn’t be such an issue if they just worked with their wives to work out their differences. Other than that, I do believe that divorce laws tend to highly favor women and in some cases, this is necessary. But for most, it just screws over the man in the relationship. I do agree that there needs to be some change to even the playing field in that aspect.
I disagree. I see a lot, and I mean a lot of women in their mid-thirties going through a mid-life crissis. All of a sudden, their husband is a bum, they start going out and finding guys who prey on women in this state. They tell them what they want to hear and poof, they want a divorce. And thrrough no fault of their own, the man is on the hook financially to maintain his exwife while she goes out and parties. She has no ambition to get a job or finish a degre because……..she deserves to be maintained.
This more often than what you stated, is the reason most divorces are initated by women.
On your stats about women being more likely to ask for a divorce, doesn’t the fact that non-foriegn-women are more likely to ask for a divorce say something between how far we have come? In other cultures, women may feel too scared to ask for a divorce. I also find your stat, “Women bring the divorce around 70% of the time, and that number jumps to 90% when the woman is college-educated,” interesting because Mill argued women should be educated because in order to have the same goals and purpose, husband and wife must be seen on the same page. Also, when you say “because No Fault Divorce is common among the states, she can bring the divorce for whatever reason that she wants.” Well yes… otherwise wouldn’t marriage, by definition, be slavery?
This post actually made me laugh! Especially when you described men as “whipping boys.” You surprisingly convinced me, but there are still some factors you didn’t address. About 13 to 20 percent of women earn more than their husbands. While this is a small percentage, it still matters when addressing the division of property during divorce. Also, couples have the option of entering into a prenuptail agreement before getting married which divides property based on individual income. I can see why people would not be as willing to get married today based on the increasing number of divorce rates, but you shoud also consider the fact that couples marry more based on love than neccessity nowadays. This greatly differs from Mill’s time when women were “forced” into marriage to men who they didn’t know/ didn’t love.
//www.scienceblog.com/cms/up_to_20_percent_of_wives_make_more_money_than_husbands_9207
You say that “A man in the United States, therefore, is submitting to a form of slavery when choosing to get married” but most of your statistics deal with divorced couples and divorce laws rather than marriage laws. In Mill’s day the actual of institution of marriage took away legal rights and political rights of women, but this is not case for men today. Instead men lose a their rights when the marriage ends. Not saying that I don’t agree that the divorce laws are heavily favored towards women, just saying that I don’t agree with the conclusion that marriage is now an institution of slavery for men. I believe that for marriage to be similar to slavery for men they would have to lose rights once they are married, not after the fact.
While a man has much more consequence for divorce than he did 140 years ago (alamony,child support etc). No one is forcing the man to marry the woman. It should be mutual on both parts unlike years ago when there were forced marriage and dowrey was invovled. I think their are more restrictions but not enough to be classified as slavery
I would reiterate that men enter this “slavery” when the marriage ends and not when the marriage begins. I think this is important to note because the study referenced says that about 40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce. At this point we are already talking about less than half of marriages. It has also been pointed out that a large percentage of divorces come as a result of mistreatment toward women. When the man mistreats the woman I think there is a general tendency to feel a lot less pity when the man faces tougher consequences from divorce.
If we are only taking about such a small percentage of men who in the end face these consequences deemed unfair it makes sense that they have almost gone unaccounted for. Yet, we have read several philosophers who emphasize the importance of taking care of minorities. Does society need to make a push as a whole to change divorce laws because these men seem to be an unspoken for minority, not just because of this issue itself?
I would agree with Brian and Jacob. It is important to realize that the men are not slaves while IN the relationship, simply after it. Women, however, are still slaves today in the relationship.
As for divorce laws, they favor women due to the difficulties and biases faced by women when they have to face the world categorized as “single mother/parent”. The laws in place are to ensure women are able to support their children and themselves. I would argue that marriage is still, in a large amount of cases in the U.S., an institution of despotism.
Your post was interesting and brought up several points supported by statistics, however, I have to disagree with the statement that “marriage today is slavery for men.” You mention that “because No Fault Divorce if common in many states, [women] can bring the divorce for whatever reason [they] want.” To this I respond, can’t it be said that men can also use No Fault Divorce and bring the divorce for any reason they want. Furthermore, in most divorces it isn’t just “for whatever reason”, individuals usually have a powerful motive for which they go through this whole ordeal. Moreover, most of the issues you mention that arise when a couple gets divorced can easily be prevented by a prenuptial agreement. The issue of visitation rights are in most cases affected by the parents’ character and personality. For instance, the mother could use the terms of the visitation rights as a way to get revenge. Ultimately, men are fully aware the possible ramifications a divorce can bring about at the time in which they enter into the marriage. That is, there is no force to this binding union, you are of your own will and faculty.
I think the problem with this post is you are not proving that men are slaves in marriage, you are just proving that men are slaves in the divorce process. I can say that I agree with you in that sense, the divorce laws are very strict towards men, but in the act of marriage itself I feel that divorce laws have even the playing field. Now, meaning over the past 140 years, women have become more empowered. Now women have the right to a divorce, which (as the statistics listed above prove) are fairly easy to initiate. This gives women an option to leave a marriage in which she feels she is not being treated the way she should. This means that if a women feels as if she is a “slave” in a relationship she is able to, in most instances, leave said relationship. I don’t think it is fair to say that men are slaves in marriage, I think it is fair to say that the playing field has been leveled, and women now have just as much power in the relationship as men do.
The men are slaves “IN” the marriage because they have become aware of what happens in a divorce. The threat of lifetime alimony is the tool to enslave men. I agree that men should know the ramifications of marriage/divorce. As far as a prenuptal, it does no good to list alimony. It like child support, are rights and can not be signed away in a prenuptal agreement.
There are more women in college then men. More men have lost their jobs than have women in this economy. The palying field is level, alimony, like slavery and indentured servitude need to be outlawed.
Today women make up over 50% of the work force. We are not in the 20th century anymore. I myself as a women got divorced, and I did not ask my x husband to support me. I am an able bodied women and I can support myself. I agree alimony should be implemented when the wife and mother of children have no skills in which to use to make an income, but there should be limits on the length of time the alimony is awarded. Not doing so just encourages women to just stay home and sit on their ass and eat bonbons all day while x hubby supports them. I did not go to college, I had 3 children with my first husband. We divorced after 15 years of marriage. I got child support only. I went to work delivering pizza’s for domino’s to support myself. I find it degrading and I am ashamed sometimes to be part of the female gender because most women that seek alimony don’t need it. They lower themselves to seek alimony when they are perfectly capable of supporting them selves. I see that as not having any self respect , and I would think if some poor slob divorced me, I would say the hell with you, and move on with my life. Of course I am not a gold digger. I am now married to a man that I love dearly. He is sitting in jail because of his gold digging x wife. she has a great job, and her house is paid for, because she got the homestead in the divorce. She drives a new car, and life is just wonderful.
Their kids are grown, but I am sure this is having a tremendous effect on them. The courts make it difficult for couple to move on by keeping alimony alive for life. This is unfair to the man, who wants to move on and just live a normal life. X wives you need to get over it, and move on. Support your own ass, and get a life. Men should not have to be reminded every month of a relationship gone bad. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and sometimes two people just can’t be with each other. Divorce laws need to come into the 21st century, just like everything else has. No one should get a free ride, and women are getting alimony just because they can, not because they need it. Shame on them. Marriage is not slavery, but lifetime alimony is. And as long as the laws remain the same, this will never end for a lot of men. The horror stories I have read, are appalling.
It is true that in recent times divorce has become acceptable to American culture. If a couple has children and is considering divorce, I think child support would be a reason not to follow through with divorce.
Looking at marriage as a form of “slavery” for men, or commonly phrased “ball and chain” is such a negative way think about it. I think this negativity carries on through the relationship and may possibly contribute to its downfall.
Marriage should be a mutual agreement between both men and women and not rushed. A couple should have a really good idea on how the person deals with difficult issues, instead of realizing that the person you married was not fit for you.
I did a little research on divorce laws for same-sex couples and I found that it had been so unprecedented in Massachusetts “that couples had to fill out obsolete forms that still read “husband” and “wife”. I think this demonstrates an inability to recognize equality in a relationship during divorces.
http://www.loveandpride.com/InformationCenter/Tips.aspx?categoryId=8
This is a really interesting article.
But as a man, I have to oppose to author’s idea.
The reason that the law protects woman is because they are in the inferior place. Just like we can’t say that Africa Americans are in a superior places just because there’re laws pretecting them from the racism.
Woman in a family have to face a lot of tradoffs which is really hard to make a choice, work or raise a children, do the housework.
Still, if they want to have a balance on making money and mantaining the ordinary family life, one of the husband and wife have to give up their work. And it’s much more harder for a husband to give up the the job and make him a househusband.
All the comments below are right and so is this article but both to an extent.
Divorce is psychologically daunting on both parties, however the financial pressure has to be shouldered by the main breadwinner which adds to even more psychological pressure.
This is what every man and woman would have to face after a divorce in countries where these laws apply. The real problem is when the party who has to pay child support or/and who has just lost half of his/her assets or/and has to live somewhere else loses his/her job or If the child support is greater or equal to his income. Even if this happens after, before or during the divorce, the affected party still has to pay by law.
Someone at the bottom mentioned 13 – 20% of women earn more than their partner so that means the main breadwinner and the party affected the most from divorce is men which comprises the other 80 – 87%.
So, the idea that marriage is slavery for men is true, if he doesn’t meet the requirements of his wife (whether right or wrong, it’s her decision) his wife can and is within her right to divorce him and 80 – 87% of the time it will be unfavorable to the man. To avoid that situation the man has to do what she says and wants (whether right or wrong, its her decision). This in essence is slavery.
In my opinion there is a way to change that and that is for the justice system to not follow textbooks blindly and rather each case should be taken individually and both parties should be given more consideration before, during and after divorce. OR don’t just marry someone you saw the other day, life is for living in the real world not in fantasy land and learn how to talk and listen.
I meant above lol
Today women make up over 50% of the work force. We are not in the 20th century anymore. I myself as a women got divorced, and I did not ask my x husband to support me. I am an able bodied women and I can support myself. I agree alimony should be implemented when the wife and mother of children have no skills in which to use to make an income, but there should be limits on the length of time the alimony is awarded. Not doing so just encourages women to just stay home and sit on their ass and eat bonbons all day while x hubby supports them. I did not go to college, I had 3 children with my first husband. We divorced after 15 years of marriage. I got child support only. I went to work delivering pizza’s for domino’s to support myself. I find it degrading and I am ashamed sometimes to be part of the female gender because most women that seek alimony don’t need it. They lower themselves to seek alimony when they are perfectly capable of supporting them selves. I see that as not having any self respect , and I would think if some poor slob divorced me, I would say the hell with you, and move on with my life. Of course I am not a gold digger. I am now married to a man that I love dearly. He is sitting in jail because of his gold digging x wife. she has a great job, and her house is paid for, because she got the homestead in the divorce. She drives a new car, and life is just wonderful.
Their kids are grown, but I am sure this is having a tremendous effect on them. The courts make it difficult for couple to move on by keeping alimony alive for life. This is unfair to the man, who wants to move on and just live a normal life. X wives you need to get over it, and move on. Support your own ass, and get a life. Men should not have to be reminded every month of a relationship gone bad. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and sometimes two people just can’t be with each other. Divorce laws need to come into the 21st century, just like everything else has. No one should get a free ride, and women are getting alimony just because they can, not because they need it. Shame on them. Marriage is not slavery, but lifetime alimony is. And as long as the laws remain the same, this will never end for a lot of men. The horror stories I have read, are appalling.
Fact unreasonable and unfair alimony is a form of indentured servitude.
Fact woman can file for divorce and enslave a man to a life of no hope and poverty
Fact courts could care less.
Opinion. I believe our government quietly maintains this process so that they don’t need to support the wife who files for divorce and has no desire to work.
Fact my alimony sentence of 5 years 6875mo makes me want to kill myself. I lost my home(s) my kids (45%), half of my retirement and I am trapped in a job I hate bit can’t leave bc I have to pay her $412k in 5 years.
Fact women like my ex are extortionists who are immoral corrupt and void of a soul.
Fact: I might not live out my alimony term bc I can’t handle the stress and despair.
Opinion. Any woman who justifies what my ex is doing to me is void of a soul or compassion.